Diwali Greetings

DIWALI GREETINGS

TO

WORDPRESS COMMUNITY

27 OCTOBER 2008

INDIA’S SECOND LARGEST HINDU FESTIVAL

How to Communicate about a Solar Eclipse

From : Managing Director To : Executive Director “Tomorrow morning there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’clock. This is something which we cannot see everyday. So let the work-force line up outside, in their best clothes to watch it. To mark the occasion of this rare occurrence, I will personally explain the phenomenon to them. If it is raining we will not be able to see it very well and in that case the work force should assemble in the canteen.” ————————————————————————————-   From : Executive Director To : Departmental Head “By order of the Managing Director, there will be a total eclipse of the sun at nine o’ clock tomorrow morning. If it is raining we will not be able to see it in our best clothes, on the site. In this case the disappearance of the sun will be followed through in the canteen. This is something we cannot see happening everyday.” ————————————————————————————- From : Departmental Heads To : Sectional Heads “By order of the Managing Director, we shall follow the disappearance of the sun in our best clothes, in the canteen at nine o’clock tomorrow morning. The Managing Director will tell us whether it is going to rain. This is something which we cannot see happen everyday.” ————————————————————————————- From : Section Heads To : Foreman “If it is raining in the canteen tomorrow morning, which is something that we cannot see happen everyday, the Managing director in his best clothes, will disappear at nine o’ clock.” ————————————————————————————- From : Foreman To : All Operators “Tomorrow morning at nine o’ clock, the Managing Director will disappear. It’s a pity that we can’t see this happen everyday”   Permalink
By  MUTHUSAMY R   17:20 | 13/Jul/2008 |  2 Comment(s)
A Trainee’s first day experience   A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee….. On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?” “No” replied the trainee. “It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!” trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?” “No!” replied the Managing Director angrily. “Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the phone …..

Maiden Speech

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in a Metro city. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day.

Here’s his dynamite speech :

Leddies and Gentulmens,    Contemporaries, Children, “This is my first maiden speech.   If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the    following reason.

Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leaders linke Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X’ raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.

You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.  They became great by reading great books.  After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can   become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day will become great phools. Many vacancy job come in newspapers.  Only yesterday I saw in paper “Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors” so and so forth, etc.  These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise.

If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly.  My God blast you!   Thank you and thank God I am finished. Joy Hind!”

Ramayan: As told by an American NRI to his Son

Son : Pop… what is the Ramayan stuff that all my friends in school talk about..

Pop : So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him.  But, like, his step mom, or somethin’, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin’.

Since he was going, for like, somethin’ like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his bro along.  You know… so that they could all chill out together.  But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.  

But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts, bows and arrows, so it was fine.  But then some bad boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man, and his bro Lakshman, pissed!  And you don’t piss this son-of-a-gunz ‘coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with him.  

So anyways, you don’t mess with gods.  So, Ram and his bro get an army of monkeys.  Dude, don’t ask me how they trained the damn monkeys, just go along with me,  OK.  So, Ram, Lakhs, and their monkeys whip this gansta’s ass in his own hood.  Anyways, by now, their time’s up in the forest and anyways, it gets kinda boring.  You know no TVs or malls or shit like that.  So, they decided to hitch back home.  He, his bro and the wife are back home.  

People thought, well, you know, at least they deserve somethin’ nice and they didn’t have any bars and clubs in those days.  So they couldn’t take them out for a drink, so the people decided to smoke.  And they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps too.  So it was pretty cooool… you know with all those fireworks really, they had some local band play along with the fireworks, and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding, that was the very first musical-synchronized fireworks.  You know, like the 4th of the July stuff, but just more cooler and stuff, you know.  

And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.  Cool!!!  Diwali Rocks Maaaan!  Got it…

(I have got this joke from my friend through e-mail)

English and Understanding Trouble

On a warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to  communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: “Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you’ll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you’ll be Ranjit. And Jane, you’ll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?”

Gary: “Name as tea?”

Professor: “I think you mean ‘namaste.’ Very good. But what do you say after that?”

Gary: “How can I help you?”

Professor: “You’re on the right track. Anyone else?”

Jane: “How can I be helping you?”

Professor: “Good try! You’re using the correct tense, but it’s not quite right. Anyone else?”

Randy: “How I can be helping you?”

Professor: “Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let’s try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help you make a connection with your Indian customers.”

Randy: “It’s really hot, isn’t it?”

Professor: “The heat is always a good topic, but you haven’t phrased it correctly. Try  again.”

Randy: “It’s deadly hot, isn’t it?”

Professor: “That’s better. But your tag question can be greatly improved.”

Randy: “It’s deadly hot, no?”

Professor: “Wonderful! You can put ‘no?’ at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?”

Jane: “Yes, we are understanding you, no?”

Professor (smiles): “We may need to review this later. But let’s move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word ‘yaar’?”

Randy: “Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, ‘Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.”

Professor (laughs): “That’s a different ‘yaar,’ yaar. The ‘yaar’ that I’m talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you’ve developed a camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can say, ‘Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.’ Do you understand, Jagadamba?”

Jane: “Yaar, I do.”

Professor (smiles): “Okay, let’s talk about accents. If your client says ‘I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,’ how would you respond?”

Randy: “Please don’t be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.”

Professor: “Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven’t said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we’ve just learned?”

Gary: “Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn’t it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?”

How People Understand Job Descriptions

“Competitive Salary”
We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.

“Join our fast-paced company”
We have no time to train you.

“Casual work atmosphere”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Some overtime required”
Some every night and some every weekend.

“Duties will vary”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must have an eye for detail”
We have no quality assurance.

“Career-minded”
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“Apply in person”
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.

“Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience”
You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.

“Problem-solving skills a must”
You’re walking into perpetual chaos.

“Requires team leadership skills”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good communication skills”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

How to Answer the Questions in an Interview

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC – IAS Topper )

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid

How To Perform Sundara Kandam Parayanam

 

‘Sundara Kandam’ Is the Fifth Section of Srimad Valmiki Ramayana

 

URL to access the full article

http://www.howtodothings.com/religion-spirituality/how-to-perform-sundara-kandam-parayanam

 

The significance of performing Sundara Kandam Parayanam will definitely result in prosperity and it will mitigate all problems you face in your daily life. This article details the conventional method of Sundara Kanda Parayanam

 

You may know that ‘Ramayana’ is the story of Lord Rama. Rama Avatar is one of the Ten Incarnations (Dasavatharam) of Lord Vishnu. Sage Valmiki has written Ramayana in Sanskrit language. Therefore it is called Srimad Valmiki Ramayanam. He has divided the narration into sections or Kandams – ‘Bala Kandam’, ‘Ayodhya Kandam’, ‘Aranya Kandam’, ‘Kishkinda Kandam’ and ‘Sundara Kandam’, the fifth Kandam. Sundara Kandam comprises of 2885 slokas or verses spread in 68 chapters.

The events in this chapter bring confidence and hope from all corners. Hanuman’s indulgence in the destruction of evils has proved that Dharma alone will triumph. People started believing in Dharma (good virtues). Only Lord Rama could destroy Adharma (all evil virtues). The Kandam teaches us that, if we want to be successful in life we have to practice Dharma. The significance of reading Sundara Kandam will definitely result in prosperity and it will mitigate all problems you face in your daily life. Reading one chapter or sargam of Sundara Kandam is equal to chanting 1000 times Gayathri Japam.

Step 1: Where to Recite? When to Recite?

 

Step 2: How to Recite?

 

Step 3: How to PLAN and Cover the Parayanam within specified days?

 

Step 4: Sundara Kandam Parayanam to Mitigate Specific Problem or Grief

At the end of the parayana you recite this sloka:

Yatra yatra Raghunatha KirtanamTatra

tatra kritha mastakanjalim

Bhaspavaan paripurna lochanam

Marutim namata rakshasanthakam

Meaning: We bow the Maruthi, Sri Hanuman, who stands with his folded above his forehead with a torrent tears flowing down his eyes wherever the Names of Lord Rama is sung.

You may conclude your Parayana for the specified day with Karpura Harathi.

 

http://www.howtodothings.com/religion-spirituality/how-to-perform-sundara-kandam-parayanam

 

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Surprise Your People with Home Made Pan Beeda

Paan (Hind), beeda (Tamil) is a type of chewing preparation, served after food to improve digestion, using shredded Areca nut (Areca catechu) betel nut (supari or adakka), Calcium or lime paste (chuna) and other spicy ingredients wrapped in a triangular package using Betel leaf (Piper betle) and held together with a clove. Sometimes, based on the request and requirement, the betel leaf is also filled with powdered tobacco with spices.

Health Benefits of Pan

Normally the Indian meal has to be followed by pan beeda. Ayurveda considers pan (without toxic substances like tobacco) chewing keeps mouth clean, strengthens the voice, tongue and teeth and guards against diseases. It enhances digestion and purifies blood. The lime helps woman folk as a direct source of calcium to improve their calcium deficiency. The Katha, a red substance derived from the wood of the tree acacia catechu, is applied on betel leaf to improve our saliva color into deep red. The Katha is also an astringent and disinfectant.

Betel Leaf Species and Quality

There are three different types of betel leaves: (a). Kalkatta betel leaf is very heavily flavored, broader in shape and is more suitable for pan beeda preparation and it appears in dark green color; (b). Banarasileaf is also broader and looks lighter green color; and (c). Maggai leaf is available in both shades but it’s much more smaller in size than both Kalkatta leaf. Pan Beeda makers prefer Kalkatta leaves for pan beeda. Apart from these there are betel leaf species grown in Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Kerala. The karuppu betel leaf (dark green in color) is very pungent and strong in taste where as the other species madras betel leaf (pale green in color) is mild in taste.

The betel leaves are stored wrapped in a moist, red colored cloth called ’shaal-baaf’, inside a bronze (or any other metal) casket called, ‘PaanDaani’. There are many different varieties of Pan Preparations.

Have you noticed the pan making skill exhibited by your paanwala? You might have surprised to see the art of pan making, storing and serving. Do you know the kind of pan prepared by panwalas? Yes. There are varieties and variations in adding spices and tobacco in specific.

Please visit the following Web site to read the full article

Surprise Your People with Home Made Pan Beeda (click to view the full article)

http://www.gomestic.com/Cooking/Surprise-Your-People-with-Home-Made-Pan-Beeda.220725

Health Properties of Jamun

Jamun, a very popular seasonal fruit being sold everywhere in India, has immense health benefits.

 

 

Jamun, a very popular seasonal fruit being sold everywhere in India, has immense health benefits. It is understood with different names in different regions in India: these names are java plum, black plum, jambul and Indian blackberry. The botanical name of Jamun is Eugenia jambolana or Syzygium cumini L (myrtaceae family). It is usually planted as a roadside avenue tree. …

 

The fresh seeds of jamun fruit (avoid dried seeds) has more varied uses than any other part of the tree. The seeds reduce blood sugar levels and glucosuria in diabetic patients. The seed is also used in various alternative healing methods in Unani. …

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Health Properties of Jamun

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